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We bought an Ascend GRF 400 last April and put it into production in May.

We have, unsurprisingly, had nothing but problems ever since. We've replace 1 system controller card, 2 ATM cards, and have a complete spare chassis + appropriate interface cards sitting here on site indefinitely "just in case," despite that not being in our service contract.

31 Dec 1998, Ascend and my company came to an agreement that they had 30 days to fix the current set of problems on our GRF. If they could not fix the problems in 30 days, they would give us, free of charge, a comparably-configured B-STDX 900 Frame Relay switch + accompanying Sun Ultra workstation with HP Openview and their Openview switch management plugin. In addition, they would allow us to return the GRF for a full refund.

If they *did* fix the problems, the box had to go for 90 days without developing further service-affecting conditions that could be resolved back to the GRF.

We're not stupid. I have extensive faith in the density of the GRF developers, after all this time. They can't make that box work for 30 days without hitches, let alone 90.

We took the offer.

Although Ascend worried us with their eleventh hour save (and the accompanying code fix) on 30 Jan 1999, the GRF performed up to my fullest expectations mid-February and fucked up yet again. Within a couple of weeks, we had the boys in Alameda merrily reproducing the bug in the lab, and all was well.

Then last night, adding another box, all hell broke lose.

Enter The Rant:

Right now, I'm too tired to be nice. I've been up all night tracing an obscure bug with our frame relay circuit that turns out to be -- you guessed it -- the fault of the GRF. I spent over 4 hours with three different engineers from GTE (one of whom is our regular engineer and got dragged out of bed at 2am -- I lost a lot of stock with him over this), tracing their network step-by-step back to our equipment after having spent nearly an hour assuring myself (incorrectly) that it wasn't that fucking GRF yet again before I even called them in the first place.

What it's doing now is tying the wrong virtual interace on the ATM card with the wrong VPI/VCI. What this means to me is that my Ferndale site just went off the air. The same Ferndale that already has been costing us business because of busy signals while GTE is putting another 72 lines and another MAX in place.

Oh, yeah -- did I mention that back in December, <Former Support Guy> (formerly on the GRF TAC team) found a bug in the TAOS code that keeps OSPF from working over a frame relay connection? No sign of a fix in sight. Meanwhile, I can't roll out OSPF and finish re-engineering my POPs because even if I could trust the GRF to do it, the MAXs *can't*. In a very simple combination of features THAT SHOULD BE ON THE BASIC FUCKING LIST OF THINGS TO TEST.

Supposedly, the wheels are in motion to get the B-STDX 9000 (per the agreement back in December) to us, because we finally managed to demonstrate another bug in the GRF's code a couple weeks back. However, despite <Support Guy> (in TAC) and his best efforts, I still don't have a fucking commit date on when the switch will even be ordered, let alone arrive at Alameda so a co-worker and I can go fly down and find out how to configure it before it gets shipped up here to get installed.

AND THE DAMN GRF BROKE AGAIN.

I am not mad at you. I am not mad at <Support Guy>. I am not mad at <Support Guy's Boss>. I suspect I might be vaguely pissed off at the GRF engineering group, since they're the ones who are paying for our B-STDX and it feels like they're dragging their heels, but I haven't talked to them in person, so I 'm not sure. There's no one to be pissed off at.

Nevertheless, I am flat-out furious. All this time, I've been a nice guy. All this time, my boss has been pressuring me to just go buy a Cisco. I held out. I kept working with TAC, time after time. I've arranged for maintenance windows at the drop of a hat, pissing off (and losing) customers in the process. We've fucked around with this thing for so long that Premier1's reputation is shit, and it all could have been avoided if I'd been a little bit more of a bastard and said, "You know what, Boss? You're right. These guys are idiots and their product sucks," way back last July after our first three months of heartbreak with the GRF.

But, hey, I've been in the trenches. It isn't TAC's fault they have to support a shitty product. It isn't the sales' guys fault that your developers can't code their way out of a paper bag. I can't bring myself to fully unload upon you, or <Support Guy>, or <Support Guy's Boss>. Believe me when I say that right now I *am* holding myself in check. I'm not swearing every other word. I'm not in my car on the way to Bellevue. I might have to replace my keyboard, but that, the elevated volume of my music, and the occasional profanity that slips into the email are the only signs of just how torqued I am.

You're My Guy. You're my advocate against the Evil Forces of Stupidity. And dammit, <Regional Salesguy>, I have suffered at the hands of your company. It's time for some payback. I haven't asked a whole lot from you. I am now. I want to know that Premier1 is a valued customer.

Here's what I want:

1) A phone call from you by 9:30am to acknowledge that you got this message. If I don't get one by then, I will go a-phoning myself, and I will page anyone I have to in order to get hold of you. I hope you're not supposed to be out of the office today.

2) By the end of business (we'll say 6pm) today, Thursday, 18 March 1999, I want a solid date on when I'm going to get that B-STDX 9000 switch. I mean an actual, honest-to-God "it will be in Alameda on this date, by God, or these five people listed below will no longer have jobs." I need to know this so that I can get airplane and hotel reservations made for myself and <Cow-Orker> to fly down to learn how to configure it out of the box, 'cause I'll be damned if I'm going to let a piece of equipment in my network that I don't know how to configure from the ground up.

Basically, I want a promise. And I want that date to be soon. Inside of 2 weeks would be great, but I'll accept up to 4 at the outside. If I can't get a commit date -- and I mean COMMITTED -- by the end of today, for a date within 4 weeks, then the whole damn deal is off and we're going with Cisco first thing Friday morning. I don't want to go with Cisco. They have old stuff and they can't do customer support worth a damn. If I wanted "Yesterday's Technology with Tomorrow's Attitude," I'd go with Cisco, 'cause, frankly, that's what they excel at.

This GRF is killing me and Premier1. I want it gone. I want it gone yesterday. I am so willing to fall back in love with Ascend. All it will take is a single promise, kept in a timely fashion, that makes my network troubles go away.

Again, <Regional Salesguy>, I'm not dumping on you. You Are Great. You Are My Guy.

I need a hero.

'Cause otherwise I'm going to grab a rifle and head for the belltower.
Metaphorically speaking, that is.

-- Indsendt 5. juli 2000 af Asbjørn Højmark